One Little Word 2014: March

And just like that another month is over.

As you might recall, my word for this year is Cultivate. I am taking a more laid back approach to my word this year. Am picking a theme for each month, and then seeing where I end up.

My focus this month was to cultivate authenticity. 

"Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." [The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown].

As girls and women, we get messages from a very young age about being "good". We must be a good girl, a good daughter, a good wife, a good sister, a good mother, a good person. But what does being good really mean? My experience has lead me to believe that being good is not a moral imperative, rather it is fitting into whatever restrictions our families, society and/or our community deems is right for us. What they are comfortable with. 

When we are good, we are often not real. We hide our light, we make ourselves smaller, we accommodate, we compartmentalize, we numb, we disconnect. I was startled when I realized that I was doing these things to make other people more comfortable. So over the decades I have been dismantling this good girl self to find out who I was underneath.

I've worked on being authentic for decades with varying success. And you know what my biggest challenge has been? Trying not to hurt someone else's feeling. My own feelings be damned. And it always comes back to bite me in the ass. 

This month, I paid attention to when I was letting something go that really needed to be addressed, because I did not want to hurt someone's feelings. I paid attention to how I felt before and after I addressed the situation, and learned much about my own internal messages and fears about conflict and accountability. About not being a good girl.

Here is what I am learning: We are responsible for our actions. We are not responsible for how other people feel or respond to our actions. Even writing that makes me uncomfortable. But there is truth in that, so I am making different choices.

I read something a long time ago that has stayed with me: Your opinion of me is none of my business. 
Surely not said by a good girl.

These are some of the ways I cultivated authenticity this month. How do you do it?