As you might recall, my word for this year is Cultivate. I am taking a more laid back approach to my word this year. Am picking a theme for each month, and then seeing where I end up.
My focus this month was to cultivate presence.
pres·ence
noun
the state or fact of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing.
Who was it that said that life is constantly planning for disasters that never happen? I know exactly what they mean. It is often hard for me to stay in the present moment. In the here and now. I am too often ruminating about the past, or planning the future. And in that I lose the now.
So for this month, I decided to be here as much as possible. Be. Here. Now. And if you've tried this, you know how hard it can be. My monkey mind wants to scamper into old dusty corners, or to peer and see what is coming around that bend. And then, just as I decided that this was going to be my practice this month, I got the call that my Dad has a 95-97% blocked carotid artery. That is the big one that nourishes the brain. The one that can cause strokes.
And just like that I left the now. I was scared. In tears. Terrified of what this meant. Invasive surgery is always a risk, but more so when one is 75, as my Dad is. And then I realized that this was exactly what I'm talking about. I had jumped onto the Disaster Express to a scenario where he either stroked out, or died on the operating table.
So I took a deep breath. In and out. Repeat. And took a moment to be gratitude that it was not that call. It was not the call telling me that my Dad had had a stroke. Or that he was dead. He was alive. In this moment he was alive. My eyes fill even as I write this a month later. Gratitude is a powerful tool. I decided to be grateful that his doctors had run tests that showed that he had an issue that needed to be addressed. And more importantly, there was something they could do about it.
See what just happened? It was a scary moment, but in that moment, my Dad was also alive and well. I decided to wait to cross bridges as I came upon them. Not to rush towards one and then another. I will know which one needs to be crossed at the appropriate time. Until then, he was well.
My Dad had his surgery last week, and everything went as planned. He was back home the next night, and is recovering well. I fly to Las Vegas on Thursday, and am so grateful that I get a chance to see him in a couple of days.
This month I focused on staying in the present moment, and it has helped me stay grounded within myself. I've had so many opportunities to practice this month, but I've chosen to write about the one that affected me the most.
Here is what I've learned:
1. Breathe
2. Be. Here. Now
3. Find something in this moment to be grateful for
4. Do not get on the Disaster Express
5. Cross bridges when you need to, and only then
These are some of the ways I cultivated presence this month. How do you do it?
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